Iron Whoah-Man

Iron Man is indubitably my type of superhero. While I don’t wear cargo pants myself, that armor is like cargo pants on megasteroids, and a biological switch in my lesbian wiring flares. I can’t resist.

This month, an article ran in The Periscope Post asserting that Iron Man is selfish, sexist, and addicted to bling.

Okay, I’ll allow the selfish aspect. A self-made superhero like Tony Stark would need to be fairly egomaniacal to assign his or herself to the gig. You didn’t see Mother Teresa lolling about Calcutta with a powered exoskeleton.

Or did you?

Plus, if I were to one day wake up with unprecedented engineering skills and craft the Iron Man suit, I would be guilty of using it for non-Captain-Save-a-ho purposes too. I’ll admit that the prospect of blasting slow walkers out of my way is a little more than marginally enticing. Or blasting off from my foot-jet-thingies and flying around the city, while pointing and laughing at the poor souls crammed on my usual bus.

Now, is Iron Man addicted to bling? Well, yes. But I can honestly say that I detest bling, except, of course, ironic faux-bling (I’ve been dying to host a Bedazzle Your Own Pimp Cup party as of late.) But if it’s a matter of a giant, diamond-encrusted necklace with your swirled initials or a hyper-advanced technological suit that could save 300 kittens at once, you’ll see why I prefer the suit.

Sexist? Absolutely. That’s another story — but at the very least, Iron Man's name would have to change. Iron Whoah-Man ftw.

What do you think? What superhero would you be?